I enter the world. You are welcome, world.
A funny thing happened to me on Saturday, August 22nd at 2:57pm . . .
Dreaming of conquests yet to come
I found myself thrown out into the world with little warning. I had not even time to grab my coat and hat! Here I was with not a stitch on. Luckily I was not entirely in the company of strangers, Mom and Dad were on hand to lend some friendly words of advice and consolation.
Having only memories of sound and smell to guide me, I quickly observed the two faces I would come to rely on in the coming tribulations of my youth. My mother’s face was the most beautiful face I have ever, or will ever see, and gives me no end of satisfaction to look upon. My father’s face gives me a solid sensation of security and comfort. The other thing of note about both is their enormous size. I am certainly born of a race of giants, judging by the outlandish size of my parent’s enormous floating heads.
Speaking of giants, I came into this world at a stripped weight of 9 pounds 11 ounces. Wearing heavy boots and overcoat I must certainly weigh more, but having left all of my extensive wardrobe behind I was forced to endure my weighing with nothing to cover my modesty.
A quick freshening up
To finish my transition into this bright and disorienting new world, my father gently bathed me in a hospital sink. I will not deny that this was a refreshing experience, as I was much soiled from my long journey from the other world. Thus envigorated I was now ready to proceed into my new life, yet only a few hours old.