I have been most tardy in relating to my reading public the incredible circumstances of my having won the accolades of a nearby locality. Such a failing on my part, although not excusable in the least, can, I think, be at least explained, for I have been so engrossed in my duties of running, dancing, climbing, and pointing that I have all but forgotten my duties as they pertain to this blog. For this please accept my deepest apologies.
And now that the niceties have been attended to let me tell you the tale of an adventure I think unparalleled in the annals of humankind. It all began with Mother and her crafty ways, for she had set her mind to fashioning a costume that I was to wear in honor of the Halloween season. For this purpose she obtained materials sufficient to create the attire of a woodland gnome, and then so dressed me as to defy the observer to perceive me as being any other than such a mythical creature.
Who is that gnome?
Once dressed in this way a strange thing then occurred, for no sooner had I adopted the fashion of the gnome than I truly became such a creature. It is difficult for me to explain how such a thing could happen, but so indeed it did. I can assure you that I was most assiduous in my gnome-ly duties, for I took to carousing the woods about our house with much gusto, and did also step into many a fairy ring of mushrooms. As you may have been told, stepping inside of a fairy ring is fraught with peril as the person doing so may be transported to the land of the fairies, and there meet with much confusion as to their location and circumstances. But as a true gnome I was at liberty to make use of these fairy rings for the purpose of transportation, and I did so use them, traveling many thousands of miles to lands far away to make contact with the dwarfs of Norway and the leprechauns of Ireland, but most especially with the ancient gnomes of Siberia, where my people have long dwelt.
My duties also included regular pranking of the “Big People” as we refer to humans, and I did my share of pumpkin placement and doorbell ringing.
What fun to leave pumpkins on doorsteps!
So I passed my time during these heady days of wonder and whimsy. I and my fellow gnomes did great wonders of cavorting and even many a gambol about the fairy lands. But then something happened that broke the spell, for I was captured from my state of wildness by hunters from the human lands. These fearsome trackers had tricked me by placing my favorite treats out for me to take, and then they snatched me up and trundled me into a waiting vehicle.
How long I was in this vehicle I know not, but when arrived at our destination I found that I was to be entered into a costume contest in Rainier Oregon. I then won the contest, and in the ensuing joyful celebration I scarcely noticed my transformation back into a young human child who but merely dressed as a woodland gnome.
In the days since I have often wondered at my life as a gnome and my friends of the fairy lands. I can now say that I am glad that Mother and Father rescued me from a life of pumpkins and pranks as there was always something missing from that life. I now see that it was the warm embrace of my family that was lacking during that time, and when the fey folk come to ask me to return to their lands I will decline.
However, if I ever find myself in need of travel I will certainly make use of the excellent system of transport by fairy ring. It is superior to common air travel in every particular.